This last couple of weeks I have been so busy preparing for a show, doing the show, then recuperating from it, I plum forgot about the Moon. So here we are again with another Full Moon and I am again playing catch up.

I have had no connection to Prince in his life, but his death has affected me. Mostly because I am seeing such an outpouring of grief and recognition of his influence and I basically know nothing about him except that he wore makeup. I see how I have been out of that particular loop (his music). But for some reason, his death has sparked the realization of my own morality. He was 10 years younger than me. As I lie in bed last night moving into sleep, I knew I could die at any moment. I have no ‘ailments’ that I know of, since I just had a medical exam, but Death could show up anyway.

Could be the Scorpio Full Moon? The archetype of Scorpio is complex like all of them, but as Pluto’s home sign, it represents death, transformation and rebirth. Among its symbols is the phoenix.

Last weekend I did a show called Art is You. A mixed media week long retreat, followed by a 2.5 day trunk show. I did the trunk show. I have to say that it had a profound effect on me. I have not been ‘the same’ since. I look around at my home and don’t recognize it. I have changed inside. And I know that means my outer life will be changing too.

I can’t explain the changes. It is a feeling, not a thought. The thought came when I realized how different I was feeling. My mind is recognizing a shift and trying to name it. The mind wants to know and understand…get a handle on it…in other words, try to control it. This is part of our human experience in a body. We seek to know and understand. But there are times when just feeling is what is needed. In fact, when seeking our ‘next’ in life, we are best served when we go with the feelings.

Many of us are ready to make big changes in our lives, but have no idea what or where we are to go next. I suggest you follow the crumbs left on the path of your daily life. Whatever ‘sparkles’. That is, whatever attracts you. It may not be the thing you are to do, but it will lead you there. Time to trust the process.

The Taurus/Scorpio axis represents the sensing and feeling aspects of ourselves in our environment. Taurus relates to the physical environment, Scorpio to psychological states. Taurus is practical, Scorpio seeks transformation. Sensuality vs Sexuality…related, but not the same.

So you can say, I have been doing this Full Moon…allowing my feelings to lead my transformation. For decades I have been following the teaching of Don Juan in the Castaneda books: using Death as an advisor.

What else would a SN in Scorpio conjunct Chiron do? My challenge, my NN, is to understand and move towards Taurus. I see Taurus as comfort. I have learned all I need to learn from pain and difficulty…now it’s time to learn from joy. Allowing myself to experience the sensual pleasures of food, my cozy bed, a hot bath, a healing touch. Here we are in a body. When we are sick or in pain, we see that body as a burden. But when all is well and we are experiencing a bodily pleasure, are we acknowledging that? The “Ahs” of life? In some ways, I feel that is why we are here in bodies.

For me, the Ninth Elegy by Rainier Maria Rilke gives some insights as to our existence in a body:
“Earth, is this your will?
An invisible resurrection within ourselves?
Is it your desire one day to vanish?
Earth! Invisible!
What do you demand but transformation?
Beloved Earth, I will!
Further springtimes are not required to win me-
On my word, a single May is too heady for my blood.
I have been your tongue-tied subject lo, these many years.
Ever you spoke true and your holiest idea is Death, our constant friend.”
Duino Elegies by Rainier Maria Rilke

What this means to me is that part of our purpose is to experience, record, and remember Earth. We are witnesses via our sensual experiences of this planet. I believe the “judgement day” will be when we will be asked to account for what we perceived and felt while here. Did we feel the pleasure of seeing beauty? Did we smell the flowers? Did we feel the warmth of the Sun? Did we love the sound of a bird’s song? Did we laugh, cry, sing, dance? Did we appreciate the Earth? Did we even notice where we were?
If not….that is the only “sin” we are guilty of. We were not in our body while we had one.
Be Here Now!
 
 

Last night I lay in bed dismayed that I had missed the New Moon – that it had already happened and I was not paying attention. I thought “oh well, I can write a belated New Moon post.”
I got up early to take my car into the shop - part of my ‘taking care of the earth plane first resolution’. Last week it was new glasses, the month before a health check-up. Got the loner car, drove the 15 miles home and realized I had left my house key in my car at the shop. You know what I said. Then I remembered I had a set hidden…and managed to find them only to realize I had recently changed the lock. Had I put the second key on the hidden ring? I HAD….Not as flaky as I thought.
I turned on my computer to find I had not missed the New Moon. Again, not as flaky as I thought.
This New Moon in Aries a double new beginning, along with all the transits and station retrogrades coming up, give us a chance for a lot of growth and new starts. If you have been using the last couple of months wisely, you will have already set some goals and made some plans. If not, don’t worry. This is not a pass/fail test. Things will happen anyway. The advantage of astrological knowledge is that you have a little ‘heads up’ and you can more clearly see what’s yours and what isn’t. The Sun comes up with or without you.
That said, flowing with the stream is easier than going against it, although there are times when you must push against the tide to develop your muscles ie your will.
That reminds me. I had been having episodes of unexplained vertigo. I was sent to a physical therapist who told me the most important thing about aging that I have ever heard. A baby falls a lot as it learns to walk. Walking entails many systems working together. It includes brain development, eyesight, inner ear balance as well as muscular development and control of legs and feet. As we age, if we do not continue to walk….we actually go backwards. It all reverses. That’s why older people fall a lot. They are usually not as active as they once were so the different inter-dependent systems start to shut down. The brain says, “Okay, we don’t need this anymore, so we won’t fund it.” This is why it is crucial for people to walk as much as possible as they age.
This made total sense to me. “Use it or lose it”. We have all heard that one. And I believe it’s true of other functions, including love, courage, imagination, creativity, etc. Use it or lose it.
This New Moon in the first sign of the zodiac asks us to take action even if we don’t have a plan. Just move forward. If something doesn’t work, try something else.
What works for me is to follow my curiosity. It serves as both a harbinger and a stimulus for synchronicity. I find that as I age something in me seeks more certainty. I know, however, that these days nothing is certain, so I can end up in a type of paralysis afraid to act because I don’t want to make a mistake. Not acting is the mistake. Not knowing what to do I have adopted the strategy of following my nose. Trusting the formless to lead me to where ‘my next’ is. It has been working splendidly. Hard to explain, impossible to teach. But you know it when you do it. Finding that sweet spot, when everything feels right and is inexplicably working.
In Evolutionary Astrology, both Mars, and its higher octave Pluto, represent Desire. Mars related more to earthly desires, Pluto, the desires of the soul. Both are going retrograde this month within hours of each other: Mars on the 17th, Pluto on the 18th.
Desire is what stimulates most action in life. In fact, I would say ALL action. If we didn’t want or think we need something, would we move at all?
Years ago, my favorite aunt congratulating me on completing my MA in Linguistics said,
“So you’ll be starting a career type job now, right.”
“Not right away, not sure what I want to do.”
“But don’t you want to make money so you can buy a house?”
“No. I don’t want a house.”
“Well, what DO you want?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? You don’t want anything?”
“Right.”
“Well, if you don’t want anything, what is going to make you do anything?”
Obviously this conversation stuck with me. In fact, it occurred over 40 years ago and I remember it as if it happened yesterday, because, in a sense it did. I pull it out from time to time and has become a kind of teaching story and a form of self-examination. 1. What do I want. 2. What am I willing to do to get it? 3. How am I doing, do I have it?
Although I thought the concept of wanting things to be at odds with the spiritual seeker I have always been. I DID want ‘things’ but they could not be gained by working for money. Of course, one has to ‘earn a living’ another concept I thought strange. How can you possibly earn your living. You’re alive…that’s it. You don’t ‘earn’ it, in fact, you had nothing to do with getting it (or did you?) Our role in incarnating is another topic left for another day.
I have seen people devote their entire lives to getting things only to face their approaching death in abject fear.
One of the things I wanted was ‘to see God’. I am pleased to say I see God everywhere, every day as a result of my ‘search’. It was more like an unveiling. God showed himself/herself to be in ALL of creation. Everything is God. I didn’t know this before, but I know it now. Did I work for this revelation? In some ways yes, but it was also Grace, a gift bestowed after being willing to have certain experiences. Could I have known I would receive it? No. Was there a guarantee? No. Did it change everything? Absolutely. Was it a worthy Desire? I think so.
Sometimes we just have to move forward like the Fool in the Tarot deck. Head held high, whistling into the Unknown.
 
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